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Not good enough, try again!

October 6, 2010

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There is one thing you just don’t wish to hear when being on the verge to finish a large project. That thing is:

Not good enough, try again!

At the end of June that simple sentence shattered my world.

Ok, shattering of worlds might be a little dramatic but that was how it felt when I heard that my final thesis wasn’t good enough. At the moment I was already planning vacations  and thinking about that terrifying but exciting new future. When the bomb dropped I was angry at the world, sad for myself and very, very lost. Great way to start your summer right?

What actually did shatter my world was the next step. The realisation that failing my thesis was my own doing. I had worked toward that doomsday and I didn’t realize it at the time.

It started around January 2010 (yes, I’ve been oblivious for long time) with the realisation that within six month I stopped being a student. The student lifestyle, one I had treasured for eight years, would come to an end. This was so much a conscious realisation but more feeling of uneasiness. It was with that feeling that I started working on my thesis. Not the ideal state of mind to begin proofing your worth as a scholar. Looking back now it wasn’t much of a surprise that I failed at the first try.

So what did I do the last three months while picking up the pieces? A lot of things but most important I started reworking my thesis. It’s not finished yet and it’s going slowly but there’s progress. I also started working four days a week as an environmental consultant for a drinking water company. Balancing work and study is tricky but exciting. And as from today I started writing again. I’m not certain how much I will be writing and if the topic will stay the same but it is a beginning. And in that part of the sentence lies one of the most hopeful truths:

There is always time for new beginnings as long as you still believe in yourself.

With that I end this first after-summer post. If you have any questions, advise or anything: don’t hesitate to comment!

Picture taken by Михал Орела (Flickr), painting by John McInerney.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. Jesse permalink
    October 6, 2010 19:37

    Keep the faith (in yourself) Martijn! It sounds like you’re off to a good re-start with your thesis, and you’re working and back to blogging on top of that…good on ya! Welcome back –


  2. October 7, 2010 20:03

    @Jesse: Thanks! I’m glad to be back. To be honest: the combination of new job, thesis, blogging and the rest of your life is sometimes exhausting. But I’ll manage :)

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